Pieces Of A Puzzle
by PurpleGlassStarfish
Summary: Esme is struggling against memories of her past. Who will solve the puzzle that is Esme?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic ever, so don't be surprised if it needs improvement! I really feel that Carlisle and Esme NEED to be explored more. Also, I just think they are the cutest couple, and there isn't enough of them in the Twilight series, so I hope people enjoy this. I would really appreciate reviews from readers. If you have any suggestions for possible future stories, it is greatly appreciated! This plot has been used before, but I wanted to try it out for the experience of it all (and sorry for any mistakes). ANYWAYS, here is the first chapter and I hope you enjoy it. I might do a short follow up in Carlisle's P.O.V. if people would like…**

**WARNING: Fluff at the end! **

***DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. IT IS ALL OF STEPHENIE MEYERS "TWILIGHT SAGA".***

Esme P.O.V.

I don't know how long I've been staring out this window. It seems like I've lived a life time, just sitting here, waiting for it to end. I'm sure there is something on the other side of the glass barrier, something beautiful, but I see nothing. I only see myself reflected in the cracked glass. I see my face, stunning yet flawed from the worn out windows of our new house.

Since we relocated to southern Canada, everything, all the memories, good and bad, were left behind. We didn't move far away from forks, but far enough away that there were faces that wouldn't recognize us. The whole family came along, including Jacob, but we were not surprised considering the situation with Nessie. The children were not exactly thrilled, but I was. He has grown to be such a huge part of our lives, I can't help but think of him as a son, and I love him as would any mother would love her son.

I gazed at the woman in the reflection, and as she gazed back, I pictured a little boy in her place. The boy had soft caramel hair and a pale complexion with red freckles sprinkled underneath his bright blue eyes. I recognized the boy all too well. The sight of my little boy caused my lip to quiver ever so slightly. He died ninety years ago on this day, and unfortunately, I remember it so very clearly. Out of all my human memories, this is one that decided to permanently chain itself to my mind. It continues to punch and kick me until I breakdown in unshed tears. Almost every year, a tide of memories creeps ever so slowly to drown me in the past. And always on this day, do I wait for the despair to end. It never gets any less painful, never stops abusing me until I break. It just gets easier to hide from my family and Carlisle.

Carlisle. So loving and gentle, yet so protective and worrisome. He's the only one who can take away my pain and sadness and replace it with the comfort and love I need. He had offered to take off time from his work to stay with me today, but I had to deny his offer. I wanted to say yes so dearly, but I knew that I had to be strong, for I was not going to make him worry more than he already does. When I hurt, he hurts just as much as I do. So, I pretend I am well, and wait till he comes home. I don't lock eyes with him, and I try to stay silent as long as I can. I know I am hurting him, being so detached, but it's better that I stay strong, that I stay in control until I am alone and secluded. In the meantime, I sit staring unseeingly into the unfamiliar landscape.

Every once in a while, when the blindfold is lifted, I manage to see the beautiful, rolling hills of the countryside, the green, lush forests painting the horizon, the glistening blue water, restless in the wind. It's absolutely stunning, but it means nothing to me. The ghostly figure of the boy clouds my vision once more before another wave of punching and kicking guilt drowns me, and brings me to the depths of its ocean.

My head falls to my hands as the force of another spasm of sobs shake my body. _When will this ever stop? Please, please don't let Carlisle see me like this. _I prayed and prayed he would get delayed at work. I needed so desperately to pull myself together. _I have had my time to grieve. Pull yourself together, Esme._

After what seems like hours of deep breathing, I gave in to the guilt. It was too much to stand. I just needed _more time._ I needed to get away from this window, from the reflection that showed just how _broken_ I really was, from the little boy. I needed time to rebuild my façade, before Carlisle got home.

I ran down the old wooden stairs and out the nearest door. The grass was cold and damp as my feet briefly grazed the soft blades of green. The wind tangle my hair as I ran, led by my feet. I had absolutely no idea where I was going, all I wanted was to get away from that window. My jeans ripped on the jagged branches of trees as I frantically tried to dodge them. I ran at a speed any vampire would be jealous of, until I got to the top of a mountain.

My eyes gazed the mountain side, looking for somewhere to hide from the pain. My gaze locked on a cave, engraved deep in the mountain side. I began my descent down the cliff, no fear, just longing. Longing to have my son in my arms, his heart beating, the sun shining down on us. I wanted that more than anything. I wanted to have another chance to hold my new born child close, to tell him how special he was, to tell him I loved him no matter what. _Is it too much to ask for a second chance?_ _If only that chance lasted for sixty seconds…Is that too great a wish?_

My back slowly slid down the side of the cave, as reality punch me in the face. "He's not coming back." I told myself. It was foolish of me to think otherwise, but the dream was so appealing. I sobbed even harder as the reality hit me again, harder than before. My head fell in my hands once again with the rising tide.

*~oOo~*

I continued to stare out at the ocean. Something about the waves calmed me. Maybe, it was the smell of the salt water, carried by the breeze. Or perhaps it was the cycle of the waves. The way they swell to their capacity, crash hard into the cold sea, then start again. It seemed as though they were desperately trying to reach the sandy shore. Even though they crashed hard, they kept going, and eventually, they reached their desired goal. I smiled when the waves that caught my eye, peacefully washed on shore. It was like watching a sad movie with a happy ending.

I pulled my knees to my chest, my jeans ripped and damp, and wrapped my arms around my legs. _I want to be a wave. I want be able to start again. _I buried my face in my knees._ I'm so broken._

I didn't move from my position, not even when I heard somebody else in the cave with me. I finally lifted my head to find Carlisle sitting cross legged in front of me, his golden eyes waiting patiently for me to look at him. I gave into his gaze, seeing the worry hidden beneath the surface. I could see pain and sadness, deeper down, yet what he saw in me, I don't know. I didn't try to break the hold his stare had on me. I just tried to hide what I could, and it took everything I had. I couldn't hold it much longer.

"Please." He whispered. "Don't."

I broke then and there. He sounded so heartbroken, so sad, in those two words. The mental wall fell as I let him in. I lasted five seconds in his gaze before it became too much. Sobs shook my body like an earthquake, as I broke away from his painful gaze. He moved closer to me and took me in his arms, as his hands traced comforting circles on my back, and stroked my hair slowly. He let his lips linger on a spot just above my right ear, saying nothing. We sat there for what seemed like eternity, not saying anything, just comforting each other.

I knew this was hurting him, seeing me fall apart right in front of his eyes. _He should never see me like this._ _It's not fair that he should be hurting as well. He did nothing wrong, he didn't cause me this grief. _

I pulled away from his embrace and looked at my hands between my knees. "You shouldn't have to see me like this Carlisle. I'm so sorry." My voice was barely audible. "I don't know why this is so hard for me. It's been ninety years since…"I couldn't finish that sentence. I just sat staring at my hands, not wanting to meet his gaze.

After a minute of silence he spoke. "Esme, I can't begin to understand how hard this is for you, and I never truly will. I just…I can't sit here and watch how this hurts you. I want to help so badly. I can't tell you how much I want to take away your pain." I raised my head to look at him and I was met with sadness, worry, and overpowering guilt.

"I'm a doctor and I can't even heal the one person that means the world to me." His voice cracked in the last second as he spoke. "You're the strongest person I know, Esme. You've been through so much, and most of it alone. I understand that you need time alone, just please…Let me help." His eyes and voice filled with longing and love as I gazed back at him. Our noses were almost touching now, some unknown force drawing us together.

"I still don't understand." I whispered. His eyes filled with confusion as I spoke those words.

"I don't understand how you can love someone, left shattered and broken, with pieces scattered everywhere, some of them impossible to find...and others missing. It doesn't make any sense." I looked down at my hands once again, ashamed of reality.

"Esme, look at me." He said, disbelief coating every word.

When I didn't move, he put his finger under my chin, and gently raised it, his face close to mine.

"You're broken and you're shattered," His voice was soft and loving. "One of the many things I love about you." I looked into his deep golden eyes to find he was telling the truth.

"I've made it my job to put you back together, even if it's the hardest task on earth, I will _never _stop trying. If I can't put you back together, so be it. No words will ever describe how much you mean to me."

There was so much passion behind those eyes; there was no denying what he said.

"Carlisle…" I began to protest, but I was cut short when his lips found mine.

He kissed me like never before. Never had I felt so much love, love that overwhelmed everything else. My hands tangled in his hair as he kissed me again, this time more softly. This kiss was lighter, and shorter but filled with his passion. I never wanted to let go, I wanted to make this moment last forever. His hands held the sides of my face gently as he softly pressed his lips to mine once more. All the pain and agony left as soon as his lips touched mine. Never would I doubt how much he loved me, again.

We sat together on the cold cave floor, noses touching, foreheads resting against each other, not saying anything.

"Thank you." I said, meeting his eyes.

"For what?" he asked softly.

"For putting me back together."

**A/N Thanks for reading! If there are suggestions regarding my writing, or future stories, they are greatly appreciated. Thanks again!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Hey everyone! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter of the story! It means so much to me! I had some encouragement to continue this story and do a chapter in Carlisle's P.O.V. so we'll see how this one works out…Please tell me if this is absolutely awful and should just not write in Carlisle's P.O.V. If this is your opinion, I would really like to know how I can improve. If you liked it, please tell me as well . Remember, suggestions are wanted! Thanks again, hope you enjoy!**

Carlisle P.O.V.

I've been reading this report for an hour. I wouldn't even call it reading, really. Staring at a bunch of black letters on a piece of paper sounds like a better description. I don't even know what the report is about; though I'm pretty sure it's about something…medical. To tell the truth, I don't care. I'm numb with worry over my mistake. I make mistakes rarely; there's no time for them in a hospital.

Time is not a friend of mine, but we've known each other long enough to say that, right now, time really hates me. Because I made an awful mistake.

I shouldn't have done this, left her alone. I can't deny her what she wants though. If she needs alone time, I will give her that freedom. I'm not one to control her, but sometimes it worries me. I myself have never, and will never experience the things she has, and it is terrifying. I want to help so badly, but I know these things are out of my reach. I will never fully understand what she has been through and how much it stings to remember it. I _want_ to feel that sting, I want to hurt, _I_ want to be the one going through the agony of it all. I would do _anything_ to hurt for her. How I wish I could have jasper's talent for a day.

I watched the clocked as it slowly and painfully worked its way through the numbers of time. I always wanted them to disappear, the numbers, just so time would not be measured and I wouldn't be forced to watch it pass by me. I would still be able to see time work its way through my surroundings, but I wouldn't feel so stressed, waiting for the day to end. My shift ended in exactly twenty-four minutes. I could wait that long. I think.

I know Esme is strong, possibly the strongest person I've ever known. I know she is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but my instincts are exactly that. To take care of her, not let anything happen to her, do anything she asks of me. It's hard to even be without eye contact with her. I need to see, I need to _know _she's fine, but when she asks me to give her space, I owe her that. Because of this instinct, work is…difficult. Knowing she's hurting at this exact moment and being somewhere she's not, it all seems so _selfish_…

That's it. I can't last twenty-four minutes.

I blindly reached for my bag, just hoping that's what it was, and glanced at the clock. It was now twenty-three minutes till the end of my shift. Time was just teasing me now. There's no way I was waiting that long. I reached for the door, pulling it open with strength that could rip the door off its hinges. I kept myself from sprinting to the front desk like maniac as I passed colleagues who stared at me with worry. I must've look sick to my stomach, because I really was. Never had I felt this sick in my life.

Images of Esme's face contorted in pain, flashed through my mind. I could barely cough up one word for the nurse who asked why I was leaving twenty-three minutes early.

"May I ask why you are leaving?" She asked, disappointed.

"…Not feeling well..." I managed to get out.

"Oh, well, I hope you feel better Dr. Cullen." She said, still disappointed.

I managed to get in a "Thank you" before I ran out into the cold afternoon. I reached in my pocket, desperately trying to find my keys. Once the cold metal touched my finger, I snatched them up. The door felt a million pounds heavier than it should be. My car it seemed was working against me, as well.

The wheel seemed to go right when I turned it left, the car would not go faster when I needed it to. I felt like the prince trying to save the princess before midnight. In this case, midnight would mean something very different than the start of a new day.

As the house came into sight, I stopped the car. No doubt she would build that wall. The wall that kept everything inside, refusing outside help. The wall makes me helpless, it makes me want to get down on my knees and beg her to let it fall. She rarely uses it, falling back on it only when she wants to hide something from me, but when she does, my heart breaks into a million little pieces. Her blank stare pushes on me until I crumble under the force.

My hand froze on the door knob. _Would she push me away? Would she forgive me for ignoring her request? _That's when I smelled the most beautiful scent, the most significant aroma in my world. It was sprinkled in a path of foot prints, spaced widely apart, leading north.

I followed vanilla and lilacs up and down unfamiliar hills, the scenery leaving me speechless. I stood atop a mountain, frozen, listening. I've never heard silence this loud. Nothing but the waves whispering secrets to the trees. The water to the west was a brilliant green, and the mountains on the mainland were capped with snow. _I can almost feel her here with me._ My eyes grazed over hundreds of miles of landscape, spotting out everything that could possibly be my wife. Nothing. Nothing to the north, south, west, east and everything in between. My head slightly fell as I looked to the water again. The cliff was hundreds of feet tall, towering over everything, making me feel even more insignificant. I was getting more desperate to see my wife as time continued to poke and prod me. _Calm down Carlisle. Find your control._

As my thoughts left my head, they rebounded back with great force. _Of course. The cliff…_

I slipped my feet off the edge, following after them with care. The cliff threatened to push me to the brink of frustration. _Where was she?_ I closed my eyes, letting the salty air clear my head.

That's when I heard it. The barely audible sound of fabric shifting ever so slightly. My head snapped down towards a hidden cave, eroded out of the hard rock. Never had I felt so much relief flood my mind.

_I'm so sorry, Esme. I should have stayed with you. _I thought, hoping somehow she would hear me.

My feet connected with cave floor creating a soft echo. There she was. Sitting with her head on her knees, and her delicate arms wrapped around herself. I've never seen something so _heartbreaking. _My knees became week as a cloud of desperateness covered my mind. _This is my fault. I should've done something, anything, to keep her out of pain's reach. _I walked over and sat cross-legged in front of her. I was speechless. _I don't know how to begin…I…._

Her huge golden eyes lifted to reach mine. There it was. The thing that turns me to useless stone. This wall was strong. You could tell she had spent time building, making sure it's foundation was sturdy. I knew I couldn't fight against it. Only the architect could bring down the restricting wall.

"Please." I begged. "Don't."

As she gazed back at me, the pain in her eyes grew larger and larger until she finally exploded with grief. The explosion turned to devastating sobs as the wall fell down. I didn't expect this. This…I don't even know how to explain the amount of agony. I felt so useless, holding her there in my arms, trying to comfort her, trying to soak in all the pain, so I myself would suffer. Not her, no matter what she does, she will never deserve what happened to her ninety years ago. This haunting will never go away. Her child's death wrote on her mind with a permanent marker, never to wash off. How I wished I was there for her, to hold her like I am now. But from experience, forgetting the past is the hardest thing in life. The awful thing is, her past _should_ be forgotten, never to resurface again.

I let my lips rest above her right ear while stroking her hair gently, trying to be as close to her as possible, concentrating on healing her. We sat in silence, just comforting each other, forgetting about time. I wanted her to say something, anything, just to hear her voice. _I'm not a doctor. I can't help the one person I promised happiness to. _I wanted to cry, to tell her I'm sorry for everything, but I knew she wouldn't listen. Her heart wouldn't allow it.

God, she's beautiful.

She began to pull away, putting her hands on her knees, avoiding my gaze.

"You shouldn't have to see me like this Carlisle. I'm so sorry." She whispered, every word coated with regret. "I don't know why this is so hard for me. It's been ninety years since…"She shook her head slowly at the end, closing her eyes tightly together. I wanted to kiss her eyelids, making them expose those deep gold eyes. _Why is she apologizing? _I just sat there, dumbfounded, waiting for her to meet my gaze again. When she wouldn't meet my gaze, I didn't know how to begin. My voice hijacked my brain, and blurted out the first words it could find.

"Esme, I can't begin to understand how hard this is for you, and I never truly will. I just…I can't sit here and watch how this hurts you. I want to help so badly. I can't tell you how much I want to take away your pain." I was surprised by the truth to the words.

I watched her expression as she took in mine. I felt so guilty for making her go through this alone for far too long, for not being able to heal her. That's my job, to heal people. Again, I wanted to cry for her.

"I'm a doctor and I can't even heal the one person that means the world to me." My voice faltered at the end, I internally shuttered at the thought. But, the words just kept coming. "You're the strongest person I know, Esme. You've been through so much, and most of it alone. I understand that you need time alone, just please…Let me help." I begged her. This was my fault, I _needed_ to help her. After all, she's helped more than I ever could. I would never be able to repay her, but this is what I wanted to do for her. More than anything.

My nose brushed hers as our faces grew closer to each other.

"I still don't understand." She whispered, her breath tickling my lips. My mind filled with confusion as to what she was talking about.

"I don't understand how you can love someone, left shattered and broken, with pieces scattered everywhere, some of them impossible to find...and others missing. It doesn't make any sense." She said, almost inaudibly.

I've never felt my heart break so hard.

The countless times I told her I loved her, I knew were not enough. It was never enough. I knew it from the beginning. I would never be able to tell her about the love I felt for her, it's impossible to describe. I still tried, though, and I'll never give up. What hurt the most was that she didn't _believe_ me. She didn't believe I loved her. This was not going to continue much longer.

"Esme, look at me." I muttered in disbelief. She continued to stare at her hands, so I gently forced her to look at me. She was going to believe me if it was the last thing I do.

"You're broken and you're shattered," I said, starting to spill my heart. "One of the many things I love about you." I stared into her eyes trying to write_ this_ moment in her brain with permanent marker, making sure she'll never forget it.

"I've made it my job to put you back together, even if it's the hardest task on earth, I will never stop trying. If I can't put you back together, so be it. No words will ever describe how much you mean to me." I said, words failing me again. It wasn't enough, it never will be. I needed her to believe me before I went crazy.

"Carlisle…"She began to protest, and I wouldn't have it. She still doubted me. My lips found hers, acting on a whim. I poured what was left of the contents of my heart into that kiss. I closed my eyes, feeling her mouth against mine, never wanting to let go. I kissed her again as her hands wrapped around my neck and tangled in my hair. I've never felt so in love. Pain would never get to her again, ever, not if I could help it. She was safe with me.

I kissed her once more. She was mine, I was hers, she loved me, I loved her. Perfectly equal.

"Thank you." She said looking up at me with loving eyes.

"For what?" I asked, softly.

"For putting me back together."

A/N This was a lot harder, writing from a male perspective, but I'm glad I did it! Thanks again to everyone who read the first chapter (Sorry if this wasn't as good, I hope it is though), and thanks to everyone who reviewed! I would really like to know which perspective was better, so I can improve what I need to improve. Thanks again! Remember if you have a suggestion for a different story, I'm open to a lot of things!


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